Here are some examples of good practice in essay writing from my Year 10s:
This is a strong introduction because it is clear, direct and concise. The quotations could probably be shorter (and indented) and colloquial expressions (like “sugar-coat”) and abbreviations should be avoided. However, despite minor detractions, this opening impresses because of its clarity. It covers the three essentials for commentary (or practical criticism): what, how and why.
Generally, it is a good idea to avoid weak words like “give” and “show,” substituting active terms (such as “creates; argues; describes; renders; posits” etc). Nevertheless, this is again clear, direct, concise and expressive.
Another great introduction, this one is pared-down to the essentials – there is not a wasted word. It is crisp in its exactness, expressing (again) what, how and why.
This piece contains a good example of the correct use of terms. See how “juxtaposition” is slipped in deftly as a verb (This is what you should do, where possible, in your own writing). However, take care to avoid unfounded claims (“he wants reality to become”). If you make an assertion, you must provide evidence to support it (usually in the form of a brief quotation).
Again, this is concise but meaningful.
Learn from these pupils. Look over your own writing to see how you can improve it.
